white

is the color of the falling rain outside...
it's snowing!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

and yesterday i was just thinking that spring is almost here.

a slice of my afternoon delight

checking youtube for her latest video everyday is part of my free time routine :D
i don't know why i'm so hooked with her. my husband teases me that she's my idol and i would always say "so not!". i just like watching her and i could say i'm a big fan hihihi ;-)

i found this new video of her, during the oscar after party, singing an original song "fingerprint" written for her by david foster. but damn, the song wasn't finished because of technical problem with the tape (parang pinas hehe). i look forward for the complete version.

no more

have you ever wanted something but you can't have?
have you ever craved for a dish but you can't eat?
have you ever dreamed of a moment but you can't realize?
have you ever soared the heavens but then you fell?

have you?

i have just put down the phone.

all the journey tickets are sold out.
so close. but no more.

from violet hill ended in life in technicolor

i was never a dancer
but their beat captured me
moved my head
swayed my body
raised my arms
high... higher...
tapped my feet
screamed my lungs out

and i did all of these at the same time!

it was a wicked coldplay concert.

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i shyly admit it was my first major concert attendance hihi...
the very first concert that i watched was when i was in grade 6 and my school required us to watch this concert at school... i never remembered who the bands were.

but this time it will not be forgotten. coldplay is now my official favorite band :D
until i can watch the journey concert perhaps (paging P hahaha). *hint* *hint* march 9!

a brainstorm of a goldfish - a must DON'T read blog

eggplant, tagalog words, laundry, coldplay, wedding pics, tatay, vitamins, camera charger, purified water, socks, heater, coffee, ice cream, gyoza, cold, phonecall

these are the things that i was thinking just a moment (more than 3 seconds ) ago while i was hanging the done laundry...

and i thought i have a goldfish memory...

untitled title - a personal short story about strength

it has been a while since i have touched my keyboard to write a blog entry. there had been a lot of things (less good and lesser good things) that had happened and a lot of laziness had leeched within me.
i was even lazy to read other people's blog (really an unusual laziness because knowing me, i love knowing things that other people are up to) and yep, i reached that point.

last month i had been in 4 flights within a week.manila-narita-manila.
january 12 - arrived in narita. i need to go back because i was already absent for 3 weeks and husband was already in japan ahead of me, 5 days.

january 13- father was hospitalized and doctors don't know why his blood sugar kept on falling. he was shivering with high fever.

january 18 - father is still confined in the hospital. i called home and mother was crying and asked me when i can come home again *my heart was racing *. she's almost crying ( unusual of my nanay - she doesn't cry except the day that i married). husband was the most kind of all and told me to go home. we called northwest and asked if there are still flight available. luckily there was. i packed clothes and husband went with me to airport ( he's the sweetest of all). i know he was really sad that he could not travel with me. and then the plane flew. then, what are the chances that my seatmates were all women and of course, us women love to talk! and i thought i could catch some sleep since the plane will land in manila around 12 midnight and i will be going straight to the hospital.

anyway, conversations with them were really interesting. the lady on my right told me her dream was to be a hostess - verbatim. well, pulling out the judgmental lucelle within me i thought she was because of that skimpy dress she was wearing. but later learned that she's just a woman with not much of education but had much luck, hard work and belief in miracle in her life. she storied that they used to starve for a week - no money to buy food. they were 12 siblings with no dad and a mom who earns by doing laundry for other people. and then the opportunity of going to japan to marry a japanese knocked on their door (a day after her brother took home an old statue from an old church). she grabbed it. she just wanted to be a hostess ( this word has a negative connotation to pinoys ) to have something to fill her and her family's stomach. but fate led her to a japanese engineer who really loved her and provided for her. and now they're even planning of franchising one of those known fast food chains. well, maybe she was just putting icing on the story but i don't know, i believed her.

then the other lady was an IT professional and she's working in chicago. she's just coming home for a reunion since her brother in japan and sister in singapore are also coming home to pinas ( one example of filipino diaspora in the world ). then i told her that i'm going home because my father is sick and he's in the hospital. then chat here and chat there and at that time who else would be our topic but Obama. we exchanged bits of info and news from here and there and everywhere. it was a healthy conversation i would say. then, wall-e started to play and we stopped.

still january 18 - plane touched manila and i caught one of those airport taxi and directed the driver to go to national kidney institute, quezon city. i reached there at 1 am. i went straight to my tatay's room and he wasn't there. my nanay told me she's in the dialysis room. i forgot to greet her. it was her birthday. well technically, her birthday was already yesterday. i went to the dialysis room and my tatay was there. lying on his bed. two tubes are attached on the right side of his neck. both have blood. one taking out the blood and the other putting back in the cleaned blood. i woke him up and kissed him. i didn't cry. i knew i should not.

then from that day till the 26th of january, i was in the hospital everyday. his infection was cured and he became better but not all well. the stones and the cyst were still in his kidneys and he still needs the dialysis twice a week. but i know he's much better. i remembered that all the visitors he had, he asked for their forgiveness for all the things he had done wrong to them. everytime i hear him, i was about to cry. i was thinking that he might be feeling that he's about to leave us...

january 26 afternoon - he was discharged from the hospital and i need to settle all the bills. my golly, the professional fees (he had 4 doctors) were soaring high.. well higher. so i did what i need to do. every doctor, i asked for discount. of the four, two hearts became soft... well not that soft but it was better than nothing at all. so i learned, you can ask for PF discount. well, they don't even give you those official receipts. he told me that morning that he'd ask the doctor if he could eat some ice cream. hehehe... he's really much better now.

january 28 very early dawn - i left home again to go back to japan. my boss was already asking when will i be back. i need my part time job to pay for the dialysis. eventhough it was painful, i need to go. it has been a while since i have had that obligation that i need to work for them.
i kissed tatay and nanay and left. my mother-in-law and sister-in-law and her friend dropped me off to the airport. on the plane, my tears fell. my heart felt like it had swelled that much that i need to release some of those sadness.

january 29 - came back to office and i was really touched because everybody at work were all worried about my tatay. i don't even know that they know about my father cause i only wrote to my boss and co-department pips. i did not expect them to be that caring and open about their concern. God bless their hearts.

january 31- tatay's birthday. all he asked for was ice cream for him and pancit and spaghetti to be given to the guards in our subd. my mother-in-law and sis-in-law arrived with ice cream and popsicles in their grocery bag. i knew my tatay was really happy that day.

feb 4- tatay was again rushed to the emergency room. his blood sugar level was around 20. this is no good at all - another hypoglycemia attack. but he was later stabilized and sent home.

feb 6- tatay was not awake. body was limp. don't worry, he was still breathing. his blood sugar level was again very low. my nanay was worried that he might not be able to recover but what do you know... later that day he woke up and ate. i remember i was crying again my office room thinking the unthinkable. my husband told me to never let that thought enter my mind. and that my tatay is a fighter ... and indeed he is!

and today, he's in the hospital for the dialysis. it's sad but you know the load that i carry doesn't feel that heavy. i call it my faith. non-believer may call it hallucination. but even i, was amazed that things are not as bad as we think as long as we have faith and love. faith with love of the people around me (my family, my husband, his family, people in our house, the people in my work, friends) makes me feel blessed despite the odds in life. lately, my life has not been that great. there had been many many things that made me cry and made my husband's heart bleed, remember? but faith in God anchors us and keeps the both of us from being blown away by all those trials. and in my heart i praise Him with all my might.

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this is a short narration of a part of the life of a 29 year old daughter whose 69-year old mother had already had a mild stroke thus her mobility is already affected and her 82-year old father has been disabled from walking for more than 5 years and no siblings to lean on to during the difficult times in her life. luckily God gave her a husband who is the best of all and a husband's family who is most supportive of all. please note that she is no connoiseur of life. she just wants to share what she learned - that life requires strength of the heart, mind and body and that the ultimate source of all strength is God.